With the ASB Classic nipping at our heels, we revisit some of the finer points of courtside decorum.

Service Time…
Do: Retire your cutlery quietly to the side of your plate until play has resumed.
Don’t: Smack the side of your glass with a knife and yell, “More Champagne please!”

When it’s a Tie-break…
Do: Lean forward so as to observe the action from the edge of your seat. Act tense.
Don’t: Get up and start stretching out of boredom.

Swapping Ends…
Do: Use this time to excuse yourself to use the facilities.
Don’t: Try start a Mexican wave.

When the ball hits the net…
Do: Inhale dramatically.
Don’t: Proclaim, “It’s N-E-T, not L-E-T, dummies!”

During the 90-second Break…
Do: Attend to any missed text messages.
Don’t: Yell, “take it off!” to the nearest player.

Really Long Rallies…
Do: Look around once it’s all over and nod in approval to fellow attendees (thus, sorting the wheat from the tennis-watching chaff).
Don’t: Look at your watch and yawn conspicuously.

When it’s an ACE…
Do: Pass a shrewd comment about the importance of maintaining one’s composure.
Don’t: Start heckling about how terrible at tennis the ace-ee is.

Deuce…
Do: Humbly observe that “it’s really anyone’s game”.
Don’t: Say, “only if I can have some vodka in it”.

When it’s all over…
Do: Find a rival supporter and shake his/her hand saying “fabulous game”.
Don’t: Point at the opposition and start saying “LOOOOSER” ad nauseum.

The ASB Classic will take place at Auckland’s ASB Tennis Centre from 1st-13th January 2018.