A short and concise guide to the things you really shouldn’t say when you’re entertaining a special someone.

+ Oh great! Mum’s home.
+ Do you smell that?
+ It’s uncanny how much you look like my brother.
+ Wow, err, ok. That’s not what I expected.
+ You have something in your teeth.
+ Do you mind if I just check my Fitbit?
+ Could you be quiet? My cat’s a light sleeper.
+ It’s not contagious.
+ Oh, that’s it?
+ I swear it’s not recording.