Located somewhere, just beneath our rationality, Trump’s America is one great big nightmare we’re ready to wake up from. But here to remind us that this is not just a bad, bad dream, are the propositions following the cutoff for private contractors’ plans for The Wall — yes, that wall. Covered off in global newspapers over the past fortnight, plans for the great divider include “watchtowers, drones and a toxic moat” amongst other things, according to The Guardian. Enter some of the more outrageous concepts to have (seriously) made it this far. 

1. The No Border
Starting with the most blindly hopeful campaign from a group of American and Mexican citizens who called themselves Otra Nation, they’ve proposed a collaborative co-nation along the border, “open to citizens of both countries and co-maintained by Mexico and the United States of America”. It would also create “nodes of cultural production” such as libraries, museums, galleries and workshops between San Diego and Tijuana, Mexico, and other border-proximate cities. Good luck to them.

2. Nuclear Nightmare
Clayton Industries of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, has proposed digging a 30-metre trench along the border and filling it with nuclear waste — yay! An easily surmounted chain link fence would run along the Mexican side, followed by a field of motion sensors. And if any border-jumpers were still willing to try their luck in making it past the noxious moat, they’d be met with another 10-metre high wall on the American side (given that’s the direction they’re heading). But it’s not all as ominous as it sounds; the waste would also be used to generate electricity.

3. Haute Technology
In a technologically advanced scheme by a San Diego-based company, vScenario, drones (of course) would be used to map a 3D model of the frontier’s perilous terrain. They would then install a stealthy track of cameras called “volumetric microwave sensors” and fibre-optics along the border to detect the exact whereabouts of potential intruders.

4. Solar Solutions
Gleason Partners of Las Vegas, Nevada, proposes solar panels to cover sections of the wall. The panels would provide power for lighting, sensors and patrol stations, and the company has said that selling excess electricity to utility companies could cover the cost of construction in under 20 years. Managing partner Thomas Gleason says that he would like to see the wall “pay for itself”.

5. The Impenetrable
A leader in distributed fibre sensor solutions — whatever that means— DarkPulse Technologies has proposed a ballistics-grade (bullet resistant) concrete wall embedded with sensors that would be used to notify border agents of the exact location of any tampering in real time. Like something out of a movie, their wall would also be coated to prevent the use of grappling hooks.